What the fuck is wrong with me ? Seriously, what is so wrong with me that I can’t keep anyone around? My god, April was such a good month, I got my best friends back and everything seemed perfect all through the summer, then BAM in November, they stop talking to me for NO reason what so ever, and I haven’t heard from them since. Everyday I’m seeing more and more that I’m just someone that people fall back on, because they know how reliable I am. My best friend get’s broken up with, uses me as comfort Your boyfriends fighting with you ? Oh, might as well go to Kris because I know I have him wrapped around my finger, and once things get better with my boyfriend, byebye Kris again. FUCK, seriously !? NO ONE things about how I feel about all this, no one fucking thinks about me, I go to counselling pretty much every day at school, I don’t sleep, I’m constantly thinking about cutting myself again and now for the first time in a long time I’m having actual suicide thoughts. like I actually want to kill myself so I’m not here anymore. Do you know how much shit you have to be put through to make someone feel like that, how much someone has to be beaten down in order to feel like that. It’s a lot, and I’m at that point and I can’t get out of that state. Writing doesn’t work, music doesn’t work, working out doesn’t work. Nothing does and I don’t know what the fuck to do anymore. I fucking lost everything that I’ve had, that I’ve valued in life. I have no friends anymore, I’ve lost everyone, I spent years waiting to get him back, and he fucking left again, I spent years trying to get her back, and she’s still not back. Everyone takes me for granted, don’t get me wrong, I’m not looking for sympathy, I just think it’s stupid how much shit can happen to one person on this fucking planet. Millions, possibly billions of people it worse than I do, I’ll be the first to admit that, but I make a few mistakes and then I have nothing left ? Fuck that. I guess the reason that I’m writing this is to say goodbye, as stupid and morbid as that sounds. I’ve reached the end of my rope, and the thoughts have taken over so that I can’t even sleep because the voices are too loud. I’m going to kill myself. Plain and simple, I have a date, a way, a place, I have everything planned now. I pushed enough people away, that I don’t care who this pushes away anymore. Thank you to everyone that tried to be there for me, and I’m sorry I’m an asshole and pushed you away.